I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
