You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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