i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
