I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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