If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We left the knife in your bed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
