Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
