South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
