I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i think i just lost a toe
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
