I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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