and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
