They should really pass out barf bags in church
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
