i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
