So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
