So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
