Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
