If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
