These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
