The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
