this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
