I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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