So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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