we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just found a bag of teeth...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
