at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
