just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
