dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
