remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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