I swear god or herbie drove my car home
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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