Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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