Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
