i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
