Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
