you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
