Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
love makes seman taste better
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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