i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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