I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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