I met the friendliest cop last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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