Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this is an emotional support booty call
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
