After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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