She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
