I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
