Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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