I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
