hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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