so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
