just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
