How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
