apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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