Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
