Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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