if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
